Letâs start with a thought experiment, because all good existential crises do.
Imagine a ship â Theseusâs ship, to be precise. After a storied career of heroic sea-faring, itâs put on display in a glorious Athenian dockyard. But as time passes, the planks rot. So, bit by bit, theyâre replaced. A new mast here, a fresh hull panel there. Eventually, every single part has been swapped out.
Hereâs the philosophical conundrum: Is it still the same ship?
Audio: NotebookLM podcast on this topic.
And if you think youâve got that sorted, hold on. Imagine all the original pieces were saved, and someone reassembled them in a warehouse across town. Now there are two ships. One with the name, the continuity, the dockside real estate. The other with the original lumber and sails.
Which one is the real Ship of Theseus?
The paradox gnaws at our sense of identity. Is continuity enough? Does memory trump material? When everything is replaced â structure, function, even personnel â what makes a thing still that thing?
Now apply that question not to a ship, but to a rock band. A corporation. A country. Yourself.
Thatâs where things get fun. And slightly horrifying.
I was recently served a video on Facebook, algorithmic ambrosia for the nostalgic mind, showing the band Foreigner performing one of their chart-groping hits from the â70s. Polished, crowd-pleasing, competent. And utterly fake.
Not one founding member in sight.
They werenât bad, mind you. Just⊠someone else. A Foreigner cover band trading under the original name, like a haunted jukebox stuffed with licensing contracts.
This, friends, is the Ship of Theseus with a tour schedule.
And itâs not just bands. IBM, once the king of typewriters and tabulating machines, now sells cloud services and AI consultancy. Walgreens, which began as a soda fountain and friendly neighbourhood chemist, now sells LED dog collars and pregnancy tests under buzzing fluorescent lights.
These arenât companies. Theyâre brands in drag, corporate necromancers chanting the old names to animate new bodies.
But why stop there?
America isnât America. Not the one of powdered wigs and musketed revolutionaries. No Founding Fathersâą roam the marble halls, only interns, lobbyists, and PR-tested careerists impersonating ideals they no longer understand. Britain? Please. The Queen is dead, and so is the Empire. France has revolted so many times that theyâve essentially speed-run regime change into a lifestyle brand.
And letâs not get too smug. You arenât even you anymore, not really. Cells replace themselves, beliefs crumble and reform, memories rot and rewrite. Youâre a psychological Foreigner tribute band, just with more trauma and less pyrotechnics.
So hereâs the rub: everything persists by pretending. Thatâs the deal. Names survive, structures remain, but the guts are swapped out, piece by piece, until weâre clapping along to something we no longer recognise, wearing merch from a band that no longer exists.
And we call it continuity.
NB: After a dozen Midjourney prompts, I decided to stop and use this one. Ships of Theseus are as rare as centaurs.
A Sequel to âThe Disorder of Saying Noâ and a Companion to âWhen âAdvancedâ Means Genocideâ
In my previous post, The Disorder of Saying No, I explored the way resistance to authority is pathologised, particularly when that authority is cloaked in benevolence and armed with diagnostic manuals. When one refuses â gently, thoughtfully, or with a sharp polemic â one is no longer principled. One is âdifficult.â Or in my case, oppositional.
Audio: NotebookLM podcast on this topic.
So when I had the gall to call out Bill Maher for his recent linguistic stunt â declaring that a woman is simply âa person who menstruatesâ â I thought I was doing the rational thing: pointing out a classic bit of reductionist nonsense masquerading as clarity. Maher, after all, was not doing biology. He was playing lexicographer-in-chief, defining a term with centuries of philosophical, sociological, and political baggage as though it were a checkbox on a medical form.
I said as much: that he was abusing his platform, presenting himself as the sole arbiter of the English language, and that his little performance was less about clarity and more about controlling the terms of discourse.
My friend, a post-menopausal woman herself, responded not by engaging the argument, but by insinuating â as others have â that I was simply being contrary. Oppositional. Difficult. Again. (She was clearly moved by When “Advanced” Means Genocide, but may have missed the point.)
So let’s unpack this â not to win the debate, but to show what the debate actually is.
This Isnât About Biology â Itâs About Boundary Maintenance
Maherâs statement wasnât intended to clarify. It was intended to exclude. It wasnât some linguistic slip; it was a rhetorical scalpel â one used not to analyse, but to amputate.
And the applause from some cisgender women â particularly those whoâve âgraduatedâ from menstruation â reveals the heart of the matter: itâs not about reproductive biology. Itâs about controlling who gets to claim the termwoman.
it only works if you pretend the world is simpler than it is.
Letâs steelman the argument, just for the sport of it:
Menstruation is a symbolic threshold. Even if one no longer menstruates, having done so places you irrevocably within the category of woman. Itâs not about exclusion; itâs about grounding identity in material experience.
Fine. But now letâs ask:
What about women whoâve never menstruated?
What about intersex people?
What about trans women?
What about cultures with radically different markers of womanhood?
You see, it only works if you pretend the world is simpler than it is.
The Language Insufficiency Hypothesis: Applied
This is precisely where the Language Insufficiency Hypothesis earns its keep.
The word woman is not a locked vault. It is a floating signifier, to borrow from Barthes â a term whose meaning is perpetually re-negotiated in use. There is no singular essence to the word. It is not rooted in biology, nor in social role, nor in performance. It is a hybrid, historically contingent construct â and the moment you try to fix its meaning, it slips sideways like a greased Wittgensteinian beetle.
âMeaning is use,â says Wittgenstein, and this is what frightens people.
If woman is defined by use and not by rule, then anyone might claim it. And suddenly, the club is no longer exclusive.
Thatâs the threat Maher and his defenders are really reacting to. Not trans women. Not intersex people. Not language activists or queer theorists.
The threat is ambiguity.
What They Want: A World That Can Be Named
The push for rigid definitions â for menstruation as membership â is a plea for a world that can be named and known. A world where words are secure, stable, and final. Where meaning doesnât leak.
But language doesnât offer that comfort.
It never did.
And when that linguistic instability gets too close to something personal, like gender identity, or the foundation of oneâs own sense of self, the defensive response is to fortify the language, as though building walls around a collapsing church.
Maherâs defenders arenât making scientific arguments. Theyâre waging semantic warfare. If they can hold the definition, they can win the cultural narrative. They can hold the gates to Womanhood and keep the undesirables out.
Thatâs the fantasy.
But language doesnât play along.
Conclusion: Words Will Not Save You â but They Might Soothe the Dead
In the end, Maherâs definition is not merely incorrect. It is insufficient. It cannot accommodate the complexity of lived experience and cannot sustain the illusion of clarity for long.
They are defending nostalgia.
And those who cling to it â friend or stranger, progressive, or conservative â are not defending biology. They are defending nostalgia. Specifically, a pathological nostalgia for a world that no longer exists, and arguably never did: a world where gender roles were static, language was absolute, and womanhood was neatly circumscribed by bodily functions and suburban etiquette.
Ozzy and Harriet loom large here â not as individuals but as archetypes. Icons of a mid-century dream in which everyone knew their place, and deviation was something to be corrected, not celebrated. My friend, of that generation, clings to this fantasy not out of malice but out of a desperate yearning for order. The idea that woman could mean many things, and mean them differently across contexts, is not liberating to her â itâs destabilising.
But that world is gone. And no amount of menstruation-based gatekeeping will restore it.
The Real Scourge Is Ambiguity
Maherâs tantrum wasnât about truth. It was about fear â fear of linguistic drift, of gender flux, of a world in which meaning no longer obeys. The desire to fix the definition of âwomanâ is not a biological impulse. Itâs a theological one.
And theology, like nostalgia, often makes terrible policy.
And theology, like nostalgia, often makes terrible policy.
This is why your Language Insufficiency Hypothesis matters. Because it reminds us that language does not stabilise reality â it masks its instability. The attempt to define âwomanâ once and for all is not just futile â itâs an act of violence against difference, a linguistic colonisation of lived experience.
So Let Them Rest
Ozzy and Harriet are dead. Let them rest. Let their picket fence moulder. Let their signage decay.
The world has moved on. The language is shifting beneath your feet. And no amount of retroactive gatekeeping can halt that tremor.
The club is burning. And the only thing left to save is honesty.